July 9th – Loving What Arises

Dear me,

It’s funny that I’ve been pondering how people going through changes in their lives and investigating different spiritual theories and methods of self help will refer to “doing the work”. That’s always it – “I’ve been doing the work on myself and…blah blah blah..” Of course I hear “the work” and think it all sounds like such drudgery! I picture someone hunched over a desk furiously reading or writing or crunching numbers with the tip of their tongue sticking out and a deep furrow on their brow. “Gotta do The Work!”

But, I do get it – The Work is practicing new thought habits. Listening to spiritual teachers, writing in a journal, meditating – all part of The Work. Affirmations, mantras, mirror work, writing confessional letters, being mindful of your physical reactions to things = The Work.

Today I totally got it. There’s been a video going around on facebook with a snarky version of a guided meditation. Clearly made in response to the exploding trend of mindfulness guided meditations like I use – this one is called “Fuck that!” It’s just a few minutes long and it is awesome. There’s the soothing music, the typical intro telling you to close your eyes and breathe and slow down your thoughts, but then it takes a twist to “Fuck that!”

Meanwhile after listening to a Matt Kahn audio earlier in the week I had his line “Love what arises.” floating through my head. It had stuck in there for some reason and as we know that usually means it was because I needed to hear it and REALLY absorb it.

So today I did a little ping pong rally between “Fuck that!” and “Love what arises”. I started off the day not realizing I was a tad on edge for no particular reason at all. But as each truly minor irritant popped up, I could feel my jaw clenching and there was a lot of “Fuck that!” going on in my head. Which sounds cathartic, but it’s really not helpful nor does it make me a pleasant person. So I would turn towards the irritant and remind myself to “love what arises” and just dealt with them one by one and did my best job faking a smile either on my face or in my head/heart as I wiped each one away. Naturally the universe (which has an amazing sense of humor) kept on throwing more at me. Nothing big mind you – certainly nothing emotionally devastating or in any way disastrous for anyone. Just utter bullshit (as the Fuck that meditation would say!)

By lunchtime it was getting easier to just go straight to loving what arose without having to clench my teeth and then later still I was able to watch another Matt Kahn video that was posted in the GGID group. It was one I had not yet listened to and it had so so many truly funny sections that I was laughing out loud (and relaxing) in no time. At the end of the work day I went to the gym since it was my planned stationary bike night. I was totally changed into my workout clothes when I realized – no workout shoes! Took me a minute to ponder – just go back to the car and go home since I was already changed and just run at home? Nah – I knew I would bail out after sitting in traffic. No, I needed to stay. But now there were people in the women’s room in there changing and there I was standing in my sock feet. Hmmmm…

“Fuck that! I’m loving what has arisen and cycling in my sock feet!”

And I marched right into the gym and plopped myself onto the recumbent bike and pedaled for 45 minutes at level 5 covering 10.5 miles! Then I marched right back out and got my clothes from the locker and continued walking in my socks past the office buildings and into the garage to my car and drove him. Shoes? I don’t need no fucking shoes?!

LOL – what a day. On the ride home in traffic I played the Fuck That meditation again because it seemed like the perfect punctuation mark to end the day. And it was.

And that is called Doing The Work which keeps me sane and heart centered and feeling joy. Because yes, my heart sometimes needs to let out a Fuck That! before it can love what arises 🙂

Be kind, be loving, just be.

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