June 23rd – Girl On Fire

Dear me,

It’s funny to me looking back on when I started writing to you and how I was going to try to mark the days in certain categories.

It’s also funny to me how my phone background is still the same Girl on Fire image that our GGID coach first sent to me in January. I rarely do that. My phone background usually changes with the seasons and my mood. But whenever I have paid attention to it and maybe thought I should switch it out, I think “No! This is a symbol of my commitment to ME” and I let it ride.

Yesterday I had a true GoF day. The way I describe it is a feeling of being totally operating on the most heart centered ME that I can be. I went with my mom to what will likely be her final follow up doctor visit so that she could get her wrist cast off and get it x-rayed. Everything has healed perfectly. However, she needs me there to be her advocate because she comes from a generation that doesn’t question or demand much from doctors. So I have to totally alert and listening to both what she REALLY needs and what the doctor says. Then I had to handle talking to the public defender assigned to my son. I needed to totally focus on my conversation with him and ask the questions needed on behalf of everyone involved. Then I met my son’s girlfriend back at my house and filled her in on everything and we started packing up his room. Just then, he called so we both talked to him and again – I really had to pay attention to his tone of voice and how he was mentally to determine what to tell him to help him get through another day.

This kind of interpersonal effort would have been just that – EFFORT – and I would have felt tired/cranky/drained after any one of those things in the past. But yesterday I felt *energized* and engaged. In the evening we had a group coaching call and I would typically have stayed in the background or just maybe given surface level only responses, but I just jumped in with both feet and shared everything I was feeling about the events of the past few weeks.

There were not inner critic voices, no hesitations or resistance to anyone and what was needed.

Going through an entire day like that without once questioning my decisions or criticizing myself for something I said or didn’t say? Feeling like I was true to my own heart and also was heart centered in the support I gave to others? For an entire day?!

THAT is Girl of Fire! And it was my Big Scary being accomplished – for one day at least. If I can consistently believe in myself to that extent. Love and trust myself like that EVERY day, then my Big Scary will be totally achieved.

And now that I have seen it in operation, well, I got this!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s