In my efforts to dig into why letting K move into Nick’s room feels not just *right* but *necessary* hit home to me yesterday when Nick had his court appearance and was NOT released as we had hoped/expected.
As I drove back home with C and her mom, D we strategized what we could do out here to best support him for the next 6 weeks while he is in there undergoing a psych evaluation and serving some time for missing probation markers.
It was their suggestion that we finish up the process of moving his things out of the room in my house and INTO C’s apartment so that when he is released, he knows where “home” is. He won’t have to think about that at all. He can be secure in knowing that C is committed to him and that C’s parents support him too (they truly do love him and appreciate everything he has done for their daughter in just a few short months).
I stopped and looked into his room last night and realized something else – we need to get rid of it. This room in my house is where he used. It is where he attempted the first time to go clean cold turkey. I think that I am not overstating things to say that over the 12 years he has spent there his personal memories and associations to that physical space are NOT healthy for him at all. A HUGE step in his long term recovery and rebuilding his life is moving out of there. I’ve always believed that. Now I know it with every fiber of my being. It needs to go. When I mentioned it to him on the phone this morning I heard his voice catch and then brighten up “Yeah, that would be a good thing if my room was gone. I need to know I don’t have a back door, but even more, I need to know that room is NOT mine anymore.”
So frankly even if there wasn’t someone immediately in need of living in the space, I would be working with C & D to rent a truck and move the furniture out and clean it up. It’s what will be the best for him. He needs to start a new chapter in his life. And he clearly needs to be with C and SHE needs him to be there with her.
My desire to help K will put Nick where he should be and improve his life and C’s as well.
The next 6 weeks are going to mean so much to all of them.
Be kind, be loving, just be.