May 6th – A Much Needed Break with Gratitude

Dear me,

I am so grateful for the break from parent care today. It is wonderful to rediscover the beauty and bliss of a clean house.

Also, napping on the sofa with cats is pretty amazing too.

So is water plants and pulling weeds.

I am grateful for the little, daily routines that keep me grounded.

On to something more today since I did have a moment. As we have talked in GGID about mixing things up and upping our game with our pillars, the one that naturally drew me in was intimacy.

I’ve been working on intimacy with myself. No more resistance, reducing judgment, and loving who I am. As I feel myself open up to ME, I have also felt myself be more open to everyone else.

It’s so wonderful to have an unexpected, real, connected, INTIMATE conversation with someone. Eye contact. Genuine interest, listening, and love flowing between both. Not LOVE LOVE, as in romantic love of course, but the love that is felt through that human connection of two souls communicating authentically. Vulnerable and giving.

WOW was I EVER scared to BITS about doing anything like that in the past!

I used to avert my eyes with strangers. Look down at my feet as I walked. Talk to you? OH hells no!! And if you talked to me? Be happy if I *grunted* at you, let alone looked up and/or forced a smile!

I wasn’t SHY – if I needed something I was in no way afraid to approach someone – but I mean, I had to NEED something. And of course, I *wanted* to be friendly and social. I wanted friends badly! So in many situations I would carry on conversations, but NEVER with strangers. Small talk and chatting at the store or even at work was so foreign to me. Nah, let me go about my business please and leave me alone thankyouverymuch.

What a tortured and isolated life that was!! No more.

Today while waiting at Sears yet AGAIN for the brake sensor to be repaired (done..sort of*…finally!) I actually had a nice conversation with the other gentleman waiting for his car. Nothing deep. Both of us were trying to dust off our memory banks to identify an old Jack Nicholson movie – Five Easy Pieces!! – lol – NOW it comes to me – I bet it came to him too and now we are both smiling thinking of the other person and laughing at it. See? A fun moment with a stranger that brought smiles to both of us. Why would I deprive myself of that kind of human connection?

*Apparently in order to turn OFF the warning light about the sensor, a special code needs to be entered that only a dealer can do. SIGH – that’s gonna have to wait. I have to learn to love that warning light I guess….

So my goal in May is to let that love flow. Be grateful for those unexpected moments. I was thinking of making them more orchestrated and having a goal of touching base with a specific number of friends this month, but my mom’s situation shifted that since I cannot commit to long phone calls or lunches/happy hours right now. No, I will document and show gratitude for the little encounters as they happen.

Be kind, be loving, just be

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