April 23rd – Just Be

Dear me,

From the Hay House calendar today:

“Today there is no need for me to struggle. I trust the Universe to take care of me.”

In the past I might have reacted to that with “Gawd! Thank YOU! I needed to hear that because I’ve been so wound about about items a,b,c,d,e…..(etc) that are so critical to my life but are out of my control now and the waiting is the hardest part and…and..and….!!!”

And that would have been my IMG(MF!) setting my hair on fire causing me to lose sleep and lose focus while awake.

Instead what I said was “Yes, that’s about right, isn’t it? I do trust the Universe to take care of me (and it may, or may not result in what it is I am thinking it will be and that’s OK.)”

So zen of me, isn’t it?!

But really! I’m not kidding – this focus thing? It’s gotten to be almost my default setting. I really noticed it when I was asked for an update on this large project I volunteered for at work. It’s tedious and there’s a LOT to get done and I was initially not given a time frame for it. I read between the lines of the request for an update and pushed a little harder for a deadline. Sure enough “Oh, I was hoping within the next 45 days?” Uh huh. But, rather than feeling a tightening in my gut or a tensing in my neck and shoulders, I just broke down the remaining files that need to be completed, estimated how much time each would take and responded with “How about 60 days?” and got the OK. Previously that negative reaction would have resulted in me then pushing myself to knock them out faster and for sure to commit to doing a lot of the work at home. But I am getting MORE done at work in 8 hours than ever before because I keeping a relaxed focus. In The Zone as Renee described it while running her marathon on Monday. So I know I can get it done without working from home unless other things pop up and the time frame I quoted her doesn’t FORCE me to work extra hours.

Meanwhile, the theme of the podcast series I’m listening to tonight (taking a break to write) is essentially “What would it be like to not WANT anything?” My immediate response was “You just BE.”

Honestly that is really where I’ve been – just here. Just being. Watching the birds in the yard (Orange crowned warbler so close tonight that I could clearly SEE his orange crown which is not all that common – sweet!). Laughing at the hummingbirds chasing each other but then taking turns eating at the feeder. Last night I forgot to write mostly because I came home, had a 40 minute dance party because I just wanted to blast music, sing and dance (and truly that was more of an aerobic workout than a 40 minute run would have been!), watched TV, read, and fell asleep. Yes, there are things I plan to do on an everyday basis like meditate and write in here, but if a day is missed, fine.

Because even though I am setting an intention to write to you, Inner Wisdom, every day, we both know that I talk to you ALL day now. Or, really, what that means is that I take many small moments to be silent wherever I am and just check in with myself.

It’s OK to not constantly WANT. Nobody is thinking about me. Breathe in, breathe out.

Because I realize that in slowing down, in allowing myself to just BE and not always DOING, I actually get more done – how fun is that?!

Be kind, be loving, just be.

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