April 14th – Brain shifts

Dear me,

Today I really noticed two rather prfound shifts that have happened in the last few weeks. 

The first was realizing that focusing on one thing at a time not only absolutely feels like I am more present and mindful and all those cool things, but it also makes time go by faster even when the task I am doing would be considered tedious. I never tuned into any podcast or radio show today. I did have the benefit of a morning meeting and then a lunchtime appointment to break up the day, but still when I knew I had a chunk of time to work on a spreadsheet, I didn’t *want* to override that with external input. What was different was that today it seemed *natural* to do just one thing at a time, whereas before I would have had to fight myself to do that. Perhaps new brain pathways are forming?

I know they are when it comes to connecting with the people around me. The last two days I’ve had genuinely warm, fairly deep conversations with co-workers that would never have happened before. And, I listened more than I talked for once! OK, I have been practising that, but I feel like THAT too is becoming more easy to do. Most important though was seeing one awesome lady who I’ve worked with for years and sometimes have done a little battle with her. I’ve not spoken well of her with others and been frustrated at some things she never could seem to learn. OTOH, I could always see her heart and last year we connected as her mother was dying and I listened and gave her space to cry and made a few things easier for her as many departments had to move around construction projects going on in my building. She was in the meeting this morning and I got to chat with her and hug her briefly after and even in those few minutes as we talked she said to me “Oh Christina, you do GET IT! Yes, we are not so crazy eh?” It was one of those moments when I felt like I gave her exactly the support and love she needed. 

Since my Inner Mean Girl tends to do so much work to make me second guess nearly every interaction with people, it feels good to end this day feeling like all my interactions today went well. In fact, I don’t think she ever had a chance to speak – hurrah!

Be kind, be loving, just be!

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