April 9th – Listening

Dear me,

Listening – either to others or to my own voice inside my head – is a very very finely crafted skill isn’t it? And I am not being hard on myself or too critical when I say that I have not done the best job at practicing this skillset consistently.

I recognize that in conversations I am much too quick to jump in and interrupt or not properly wait for the other person’s thought process to be completed.

My mom called me today to tell me she isn’t feeling well. Thought it was the flu, but now suspects it is something with her bladder. She went to urgent care yesterday and was given some antibiotics which she will take, but she wants the doctor she will see tomorrow on a follow up to check up on that.

Anyway, she called to tell me that she was feeling ill, she wasn’t able to manage my dad’s day and he was feeling discombobulated. She sent him on a quick errand to give him something constructive to do, but she had to expend a lot of energy to do that because he just wanted to sleep on the sofa (if she doesn’t pretty much tell him what he can do with his day, he would just nap or watch tv apparently). She thought if I called to engage him in conversation it would lift his spirits and get him a little more focused. So about an hour later I did just that. I figured I could ask him how the trip was and get him talking which would engage his mind. And that meant that I had to ask questions and then just LISTEN.

Luckily he is fairly talkative once you get him going. And I realized as I sat on the other end of the phone that I really don’t do that as often as I should. Not just with him, but honestly with anyone.

And here I was so deeply impressed with Dr Kellee and how she clearly listened when she was interviewing all her experts! That is a trait that I admire in someone else that I actually don’t attribute back to myself 😉

Funny because when I sat down to write this was not what was on my mind – at least not my conscious one eh? I had a pretty good day of listening to myself today. Right down to leaving work a bit early because I was feeling really tired. Nothing specific, just sleepy for reasons I couldn’t identify. And since I’d finished the critical items for the day (and had been in early this morning) I didn’t feel guilty at all about leaving. I took a nap, skipped my run, sorted out my necessary weekend appointments, updated my debt snowball budget and just allowed myself to take it easy watching some baseball and TV shows.

I was going to say “hey universe, I am handling the waiting portion of this latest refinance attempt pretty well don’t ya think? So, hey, how about hustling it along now? It’s been a week since my last update!”

But no – I need to LISTEN and just trust.

Be kind, be loving, just be.

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