April 2 – My Happy Place – GGID Journal

Dear me,

Here it is – my Happy Place – photos taken in November 2005 on my last cruise – back of the ship, one distant view, one looking over the railing – I can stare at these forever and immediately feel/hear/smell everything around me and feel instant bliss.

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When I found those last night after writing in here, I loaded them onto my ipad and just stared at them – particularly the close up one – as I listened to a podcast that always makes me laugh. I needed to get myself into a much happier mental place before sleeping. It worked perfectly. This morning, I stared at it again before meditating. A couple of times today, I pulled up the photo on my phone and just took a few deep breaths and brought that feeling of joy/love/bliss in. Another time I caught myself starting down a self-destructive conversation in my head and I just brought this image to my mind and stopped that inner bitch voice in her tracks.

Naturally every radio show or video or podcast I listened to today somehow referred to the retraining of the subconscious mind! They all spoke of using visualization/imagination (like placing myself on the back of the ship) as a way to re-direct thought patterns. One brought up the image of the thoughts specifically as being separate from me, not IN me, but in a box next to me.Then she had us imagine we took an elevator to the top of a mountain leaving the box behind, watching it get smaller as we ascended. I was then able to put myself into the tramway car in my mind that Alex and I just took in October to the top of a peak in Albuquerque. I left the box in a desert wash in the valley below (near the damn that is shown in the TV show Breaking Bad :)).

The point is – I want to THANK YOU inner voice for providing me with many strategies to turn around those critical thoughts.

I truly do feel grateful that I live in a time when there are SO MANY soul healers and teachers out there. It would never work for me to be limited to just ONE person (way too god/guru like for me), but I do love learning a little from  many different sources that resonate with me.

Listened to another recording by the folks who brought up the daydreaming aspect to retraining the conscious mind. This time the point they made that hit was about how to raise your vibration/frequency/consciousness out of the fear/anger based and up to one of love and understanding. As another member of GGID keep saying “you got to love and be gentle with yourself first and then THAT will radiate out to everyone you meet and how you treat them.” That would sure solve my little insecurity issue wouldn’t it? So the key is – walk away from judgment. There can be no judgment of either yourself (most critical) or others. Because judgment infers being critical, not loving. Tearing down, not supportive.

And while I do know others who are far more judgmental on an ongoing basis than I am…..I am also not judgment free at ALL. If I was, I wouldn’t have had to write what I wrote last night, right?

I need to accept me as I am. I need to forgive myself for my transgressions. I need to love myself as I am right here, right now.

Be kind, be loving, just be.

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