March 23rd GGID Journal

Dear me,

Well the first thing that hit me today was the Day 7 meditation from the Oprah/Deepak series. The topic was really all about being your authentic self and figuring out exactly who that is and then stepping with confidence into yourself and listening to your true voice. Kind of like what I did here when I got started!

But there was a particular statement made that hit me – I am paraphrasing, but it went something like “Once you own who you are, then you will no longer be easily influenced by the voices of others.” It was interesting because I had been so INCENSED a couple of weeks ago when some (now deleted) twitter followers had accused me of being too easily influenced by other people after I had written a piece that was all my own thoughts and opinions (as usual!). And I also thought back to how hurt and insulted I was when the owner of Blogmutt removed me as a writer while accusing me of plagiarism.

While I still don’t feel as if either of those examples are accurate, I *do* know that I have recognized a tendency of mine to BE easily swayed or influenced by others on topics that I am NOT terribly invested in. Another little thing I’ve seen in myself that has actually annoyed me a way too easy tendency to pick up and mimic other people’s speech patterns or regional accents if I am around them a lot! Symbolically of course, that habit seems to represent a need for me to “try on” other voices because I have not yet found my own, or else am not secure in it.

Wait – that is wrong. The verb tense isn’t “AM” – it is “WAS”.

Because I know for sure that I HAVE identified my true self and I am perfectly confident and happy with me! However, that statement by Deepak certainly was one of those “Oh, yeah, I have resembled that remark!” moments that I had to own.

Also of interest today was not only my continuing focus on those little connections, but an attempt at getting my son to see the value in them too. I’ve told him it is time he turned a corner and started pressing the “Easy” button on life. I’ve given him some affirmations on forgiveness and self love and I am hoping he can find a way to NOT complicate every little thing! One of things I keep telling him to do is to just ASK for help, or ASK for clarification or further information. Yes, just like me, he didn’t always do that only his reasons were different, but the results were actually often worse. So today he followed my advice and guess what? That thing I know he had been dragging ass about doing for a couple of weeks turned out to be Not So Bad and, in fact, was able to be completely fixed within 48 hours. Nice work son!

I pinged my lender as mentioned yesterday and it turns out he was not happy with the offer he was getting from the bank he was using. So he made one last ditch effort with them, and then moved on to a different one with my blessing when he explained the scenario. This *next* bank (I’ve lost count how many he’s talked to now) came in with a much better deal and with just a little push, made it even better. I am – again – waiting on the loan docs to see the details myself but what he told me over the phone sounds really good!

So I have continued with the de-cluttering to spruce up the house. I guess I should thank you inner me, for making me forget my shoes tonight so that I couldn’t go pedal after work, I was home earlier and tackled some cleaning and clearing out of things. One entire under the bed container is now EMPTY! Two photo boxes are empty and the other 4 containers and two photo boxes are only partially filled. I tackled the existing photo albums and cleared up enough space to easily put the rest of the loose photos in a book. The goal is no more photo boxes and I can absolutely see that happening.

Prosperity corner is up next! I found a painting that I’ve always liked stored behind the file cabinet last week and immediately knew it needed to go up in the left most corner of the home. At the time I didn’t know the significance of that location but now that I’ve gotten far enough into the Feng Shui book, I know that facing the front of the house, the left most corner is the prosperity corner. This painting just happens to be of a tall, thin tree – it almost gives off the sense that it is a *growing* tree.  Apparently it is good to have a water feature there too and it is the perfect spot for a small table on which I can put a fountain (and the cats would LOVE that!). So those items have been ordered and should arrive next week.

Thank you for the continuing flow of little messages and insights to let me know I am on the right path. I promise to keep my heart and mind open and listen as you speak to me.

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