March 12th GGID Journal

Dear me,

Well, whoever in the universe decided to make it so that Carmen called in sick today – thank you! I know, that is awful to say if she really was feeling poorly, but hey – again, this is the place I can get away with saying it. But I know for sure that the entire office staff needed that break from her negative energy.

It was nice.

Today was peaceful and I felt connected in a low key, sort of gentle way. I kept up my focus on making the calls I needed to make – realized that there was one from October I was still sitting on! This is the time of year at work when we get into employee reviews (aint that a kick given the shit happening this week!) so I’m reviewing all the goals I had either on my own review or on the rest of the staffs’ and I dug back into one that I started in the Fall and then sort of let slide when it came to “Oh, I need to ask so and so for information.”…… Yeah, we all know THAT didn’t happen – but it will now!

Ah – yes – almost forgot – I did hear a radio show that kind of addressed the situation with Carmen. A caller talked about how she feels she needs to micro manage everything because whenever she has trusted other people “it has always blown up in my face” as she put it. The host asked her to describe a specific example of that. When she did, it became clear that the issue is that she doesn’t ever specifically ASK DIRECTLY for what she needs as soon as she identifies the need. Instead, she questions herself first, then somehow expects her partner or husband to “figure out” what she needs through her indirect (I would probably say passive/aggressive) behavior.

Huh – was that Carmen calling in?!! Because I immediately recognized her pattern of “communication” in this caller. It did help to understand that she probably is extremely insecure in her own ability to identify what she wants and I absolutely see her tendency to mirco-manage (nag) people to do things after she’s failed to tell them what she truly needs. It’s the #1 complaint other co-workers have about her. And the issue this week would have been no battle at all had she just come to me on day one to say “I think the air conditioner is broken over my side of the room.” Put a maintenance ticket out to facilities and we would have been done. Anyway – I am sitting with this new angle of where she might be coming from trying now to see if there is a way I can guide her towards more direct + productive communication in the future. That does ease my mind somewhat.

Thank you universe for that one as well.

I do have to say, it is fun to wake up every morning with an open heart towards everyone I see and talk to. Every encounter feels like an opportunity to connect and I am really enjoying that. So much nicer than generally hating people and not wanting to talk to most of them! No more Grumpy Lucy here!

Now let’s see if I can get some of that to rub off on Carmen 😉

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