March 9th GGID Journal

Dear me,

Moments of insight and clarity abounded today!

The green – the whole message of communication and connection. It hit me that it came to me because I had just been having a talk on that very day (Friday) with Alex about plans for this week while he was here. Some re-arranging had to happen since both he AND I had made plans without consulting with the other (or with 3rd parties!). I tried to tease him about poor communication after he said “I guess communication could have been handled better.” but he rightly pointed the finger right back at me as being just as guilty as him. And he was right!

So I started paying attention this weekend and it hit me – I often tease/accuse Marcus of having conversations with me in his head that never actually happen in person. Turns out, I do it too! I think I am being oh so direct and forthcoming but I caught myself more than a few times saying to myself “I should tell X about this.” or “I should ask Y about that thing…” and I would think these things more than once and I HAD the means to zip out text messages each time and yet I *didn’t*! What the heck? These were small things too! A big thing that came up? Text message sent ASAP. A small, but somewhat necessary thing? Eh…I’ll get around to it…or maybe I can figure this out myself…I don’t want to bother anyone.

DING DING DING!

“I don’t want to bother anyone.”

Oh, I say that in my head entirely too much!

Most of my *resistance* to reaching out is that I would rather figure things out myself than ASK FOR HELP! Again, not on Big Things – I’ll post a “Hey, does anyone know how to?” on facebook any day of the week. I’ll happily ask for advice or help or recommendations on critical stuff, but Little Things? Not so much. Less about the need to be independent, and more about not wanting to come across as an annoying pest. Of course, the annoying pest thing is all in my own head. I’m not bothering people – I am communicating with them!

And of course, Little Things can BECOME Big Things if you don’t COMMUNICATE!

So with Green/Communication as my mindful focus it really was kind of eye opening how often my first instinct was “just wait a little longer…or..maybe I can figure it out THIS way…” So ridiculous and also a colossal waste of time! I have now redirected myself several times today and it ALWAYS worked out. NOBODY acted “bothered”. In fact, one person said “Oh, thanks for reminding me, I completely forgot” and then got me the info I needed to go about my day at work. Now, she was easier because I’ve known her forever and the fact that I even dragged my feet at all to ping her was nothing but dumb, but also wasn’t going to cost me greatly. It was just part of my resistance habit that I am retraining. The bigger one was with the new business client. He’s been slow to respond to communications and his email answers were just not clearing up my confusion. So tonight I just put it out there “Hey, I have time tomorrow, can I swing by for 30 minutes so we can go over this one time and then I’ll be set moving forward?”

“Sure – I’ll be in at 9 – here’s the address!”

SWEET!

I think I also get that the purple fading into focus once through the green is that by paying attention to those little communication resistance points, that I will get myself to where I want to be making the things happen that I need to meet my larger goals for my life and for my soul.

A very cool realization. I like this color stuff 🙂

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