GGID Day 28

Dear me,

SO randomly the Oprah line “What I know for sure” just popped into my head. I guess because this is the end of another month of GGID and it feels like I should be reflecting on what I learned – on What I know for sure after experiencing this month.

As I stated in the group, I certainly know for sure that I need to drink from the faucet, not the fire hose! A combination of burning the wick at both ends (being crazy intense Girl on Fire) in the months of December and January and THEN the beginning of Month of Discovery as I plowed through 4 “self help” style books in 5 weeks AND also this whole daily journal writing diving deeper into clearing out the dust bunnies in my head and heart caused me to crash HARD. The 10 days on the sofa between the flu & the colonoscopy were a real wake up call. I am quite sure it was my inner voice that I was attempting to contact telling me to “SLOW THE FUCK DOWN ALREADY LADY!”

And so, I did.

Shifting to a month of FOCUS + ABUNDANCE with a smaller slice of DISCOVERY thrown in towards the end.

I’m not done with that for sure. I will continue listening to the voices in my head and identifying the parts that describe the Authentic ME.

What I learned and now know for sure, is that I really do enjoy this journal writing process right now. It absolutely helps me to capture and flesh out the thoughts that go through my head.

Heh – like the song that has always lived in me from the moment I heard Alanis first sing it “These are the thoughts, that go through my head, in my backyard on a Sunday afternoon.”

I am nothing if not an Only Child who utterly adores pondering her own existence and narrating her own story in her head! Self aware to the bone. Self centered and selfish too? Oh sure, though softened over time since I’ve spent my entire adult life with a child or two and a husband (or two!) living with me.

Heh – yeah, I did at one point in my life have BOTH husbands in the same house with me for a short period. Oh yeah, and then AFTER my second marriage dissolved, but also after I had started dating Marcus, ex #1 lived in my house again for a few weeks! Aack! Fun times! Not quite Leave it to Beaver-esque 😉

Anyhoo…..I made the video. Nick filmed it for me. I posted the first take even though it wasn’t it perfect focus. I didn’t care, I liked the spirit of it. I was happy with how my personality came across (and happy that you couldn’t see the pit stains forming due to extreme nervousness!) Honestly, it was fun to be vulnerable like that not just for the GGID gals, but also in front of my son. We need moments like that. Next to my own mom and possibly Marcus, he is my biggest cheerleader and I need to let him do that and accept his help and support.

Tomorrow I need to ponder on pillars for March. They will not be big this time – I learned! But they will keep me moving forward towards the bright possibilities I see out there, they will keep me writing and they will keep me filled with abundance in all it’s forms. They will keep me focused on being gentle with myself as I continue to make new discoveries and dig up issues that might require forgiveness. Because as I continue to be gentle, kind and loving with myself, I am increasingly gentle, kind, and loving with everyone I meet.

My heart and mind are open, I speak with loving words. I am honest and direct in all that I do. I am surrounded by love and abundance – I am safe.

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