GGID Day 25

Dear me,

Wahoo!!! The tap shoes are here!!!! So much fun. Also – so LOUD! Oh boy it will take some more adjusting and practicing to master the sounds in the steps.

OK, on to deeper topics….

I think I am going to have to spend some time meditating or just quietly writing perhaps this weekend on the topic of authenticity. We touched on this a little at the start of the book Writing Your Soul. The author suggested writing down some basic statements that are just TRUE for me. She listed 5 for herself, but admitted that it took her many sessions of sitting and writing & digging and questioning to settle on the list she had. I got into it a bit when I wrote about the insecurities I have in fitting in or making/keeping friends. I know that I have, in the past, let my own authentic self slide to the background just to be liked/accepted. It is a tendency that I do NOT like at all.

When I think back, I know that one of things that always makes me the angriest is when I am accused of being a) wishy washy b) a plagiarist c) being too easily influenced by others (not having independent thoughts/opinions of my own).

c) is what I was hit with yesterday and oh how it hurt & insulted me! Ugh!

The common thread in all of those is that people are telling metI am not consistently being my authentic self. And since it does bug me so much, then I have to be honest about assessing why it means so much to me to have that questioned. Is it because it is true, or is it because I cannot truly tell you who my authentic self is?

I will say that on the topic of being influenced, I think there is such a fine line there. I see absolutely nothing wrong with being inspired/influenced by other people – especially when it serves to open my mind to a completely different way of viewing life that I hadn’t considered. It doesn’t mean my own OPINION will change every time – it just means I have a deeper understanding of the topic. I may keep my existing beliefs, or I may indeed change my mind on something.

I will say that I have much more respect for people who DO change their stance on topics when exposed to new ideas vs the person who is resolute and refuses to change no matter how circumstances may shift.

Yesterday I was butting up against people in the latter group who pretty much chastised me to stay silent on a topic that THEY believed was not important and because they thought my opinion wasn’t authentic.  It was the classic “shut up if you aren’t agreeing with us” method of debating 😉

Anyhow – a weeknight isn’t the time to dig too deeply into who I am. But I will definitely state that I have always, and will always, LOVE to be exposed to new ideas and opinions. I find people who are identical to me to be boring. Sure, it’s nice to be with folks who largely share your world view. But even with THOSE groups, there are nuances. After all, we each have a unique set of life experiences that shaped our opinions so while we might both have come to the same conclusion, we took different paths and I LOVE learning about the different processes.

So the very first part of one my most used affirmations is actually a statement of my authentic self:

“My mind and heart are open – I speak with loving words.”

(I know, I know, that second part is something I have to focus on to maintain – wasn’t so great at it over the years…getting much better!)

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