GGID Day 22

Dear me,

I am tired….

I am grateful for being able to jog/run (it was sloooooow, so jog is more accurate) for 3.2 miles and felt pretty good during and after.

I am grateful for time and space and a clear mind to spend on digging into my finances. I created space to take on a couple of the parent’s bills in March. I figured out a “snowball” plan to pay off my consumer debt. Looking at all the accounts revealed one that is on a promotional plan right now with interest deferred & not charged at all IF the balance is paid off by 4/10. As of today that’s $75 in interest I can avoid by squeezing every extra dime into that account. It can be done. And if I can do THAT, then I can plow extra towards a second account and 2 of the 3 smaller ones will be gone by the end of April.

The point is, when I was done, I felt GOOD about how I am planning to use my income in March. Taking it one month at a time since the refinance will change things up.

Yes! Abundance is flowing freely through me!

Even though I am tried, I do want to delve into another question from the GGID list:

“Do I show compassion, or contempt?”

Whether addressing this outward or inward, I would say that I normally lean towards compassion. If anything, other’s have accused me at time of “making excuses” for people. I just always tend to think the best of everyone, even when they screw up. It is the truly rare case when someone is so loathsome that they are actively trying to hurt people. Therefore, compassion and forgiveness come easily to me. Towards myself I think I am compassionate, I just didn’t always take all the way through to forgiveness in the past 🙂

But then I do need to be honest about the one person to whom I DO need to show more compassion and that is my oldest son. He’s unfortunately done so many things to put himself into the corner with his own father who might be the one person on this planet who I just had to write off as incapable of being worth my empathy. So many lies and an inability to see beyond the nose on his face or to break through the clouds of his addictions to see how he hurt everyone who loved him. Nick has walked pretty far down that path….and yet…since he’s one of my babies, I cannot completely cut him off…AND…I do recognize that he has NOT strayed so far away that he cannot be forgiven. I’ve been working quite hard over the past year to change my heart and mindset towards him. I’m able to see his positive efforts and have open conversations with him again…for the most part. Not there 100% yet. Old habits take a bit of time to rework.

When I write “My heart and mind are open, I speak with loving words.” I am thinking almost solely about him and it is working, though still a work in progress.

I am grateful for the ability to change those internal dialogs and habits.

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