GGID Day 21

Dear me,

Another question from the group call:

“Do I forgive easily or wish harm to those who wronged me?”

This one brings forth a completely different answer depending on the perspective of the query. If I ask it of myself in regards to others, the answer is “I forgive easily”. Because I do. I find grudges to be exhausting to nurture and maintain 🙂 Plus, that is a lot of negativity to hold onto. Yuck and no thanks. Besides, I do truly do my best to live by the mantra to treat others and I would want to be treated and since I am always wishing deeply in my mind that people forgive me for my stupidity and transgressions, then of course I willingly grant the same outwards in return. Plus I’ve taken inspiration from someone who forgave some people that I would have never thought possible, but seeing her open her heart as she did and show such compassion and kindness just floored me. If Nancy Vu could forgive, then I sure as heck could too.

Anyway….now, let’s turn that question around and aim it in the mirror shall we? “Do I forgive MYSELF easily, or punish myself for wrongs I’ve done that hurt me and others around me?”

Ohhhhh…welll…..on that one I am about 50/50 😦

I talked a bit about it in relation to how I’ve handled money in the past. Certainly my punishing actions are not dramatic. They are so small as to be hardly discernible. It’s more like not allowing myself to completely benefit from something good (like sudden influxes of cash). I wonder too, if even the unwise way that I’ve spent my basic monthly salary isn’t a bit of the same. The last few years I’ve not always been the most conscientious worker at my day job. I frankly didn’t have enough to do all the time, or else I would do what I did have so quickly that I had time on my hands. I did make an effort to ask for more, but without great success at the time. So I allowed myself to become a distracted worker. I farked around on the internet. Twitter, blogs, facebook, etc. Such lovely little jewels of distraction! I dabbled in internet marketing and writing blogs for pay and it did ALL of those things on company time. Luckily I am so good at what I do during the day that I could totally pull it off, but internally I knew I wasn’t giving the company what they were paying me for. Now, I’ve cleaned this up a TON over the last year. In fact, once I started practicing mindful meditation daily through Headspace, I noticed that my ability to focus vastly improved. And once I started truly paying attention again to my day job tasks, I didn’t do them quite as quickly because I was spending the proper amount of time on them. And, as I improved my own performance standards, I started getting new tasks on my plate again. Now, I feeling much more worthy of the salary that I draw which makes me want to take greater care of that cash flow.

I forgive myself for my transgressions and release any lingering guilt. I am worthy of all abundance in any form that flows to me and I will care for it with gratitude which includes sharing it joyfully to keep the abundance flowing.

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