May 20th – Working with Mercury

Dear me,

I listened to a summit interview with an astrologer who focused the entire time on working WITH the current Mercury in Retrograde time period (May 19-June 11).

This Mercury thing is interesting isn’t it? A few years ago I had never heard of it. Sure, I took note of, and was highly irritated/stressed by the periodic flare ups of nasty communication issues and/or technology going in the tank. But I had no idea there could be an astrological relationship to those things. Since I have learned about it, like many others I had the tendency to sort of steel myself each time it approached. Then I would joke along with everyone else about it and blame it on all sorts of things.

Basically, I was feeling like I let it get to me and frankly, I didn’t like it.

So I really liked the angle this astrologer took. Roll WITH the retrograde was her main message. Just like you turn INTO a spin if your car loses it’s grip on the road, or how you should surf along WITH a wave while in the ocean. In other words, don’t fight the force ;) ¬†Use it.

That’s a much more positive approach and one which still feels like I have control.

The recommendation was to focus on finishing any unfinished projects, be they old or ones started recently. View the retrograde as a time for clearing house. Finish what you started, but then also dig back into organizing/sorting/decluttering your surroundings. If you are someone who lets paperwork pile up – take the time to sort through it. Pay attention to the items that catch your eye (mail, letters, books etc) – there is a reason they distract you, so be open to the message.

Dear Universe – do you think you can use this retrograde to finish what was started in regards to the house refinance? One last step needs to be completed and gosh that would be a HUGE relief to have it done!

Just tonight I finished up two things I’ve been wanting to do. I now have a puzzle making table/chair set in the corner with the best overall daylight for seeing puzzle piece details. I also put out a small water tray in the back yard that will hopefully attract birds. It’s my temporary setup until I can set aside funds for a proper solar/recycling water fountain.

It’s interesting how little things like that take up tiny parts of my brain. With those done I swear I felt a little lighter! Speaking of paying attention to things that caught my eye as I was clearing out the storage bins under my bed earlier in the year – I found nearly all of the paint swatches for the paint colors I used 11 years ago when I moved in. It will only take a quart of each color to touch up the walls and I think it is time to get that done.

I’ve definitely felt a strong pull this year towards pouring some energy and love into the house and yard and I am going to surf right into that wave without resistance :)

Be kind, be loving, just be.

May 19th – On the mend

Dear me,

Gratitude! So much gratitude today.

I am grateful that everyone stayed patient and followed the instructions to not allow any weight on my mom’s broken leg for the last 2.5 weeks. Apparently, that was perfect because today the orthopedist cleared her for full use as long as she can tolerate it.

Wahoo!!

I am grateful for the wonderful rehab staff at the center who were about as happy as us to be able to start working on standing and walking and shifting weight and moving from the chair to the bathroom etc. We kind of overworked her :)

I am grateful that the transition to going home is now very very clear to her and seems a lot simpler than we at first thought.

I am grateful that I was prodded into going for a run when I got home (and that I said yes to it).

I am grateful that my mom has so many friends who visit, send cards, and offer to help. Think about it – that’s my intention of how I want to live my life. I want to surround myself with a tribe of friends who I will support whenever they need it and who will do the same in return. I was scared that I didn’t really know how to develop and nurture those kinds of friends.I knew I had to pay attention to my bad habit of pushing folks away when they got too close, even though I desperately WANTED that.

I am grateful that all of that seems more foreign to me. That when I do start to have those self defeating thoughts, they are fleeting and much easier to sweep away.

Be kind, be loving, just be.

May 18th – Holding a friend in my heart

Dear me,

I sit here to write as I committed to each night – to talk to my soul, my inner wisdom, the universe about things I discover, or guidance needed, or to talk of gratitude in general.

Instead tonight I feel compelled to ask the universe…THE UNIVERSE…all angels, guides, spirits, gods…anyone out there….to gently wrap the Randall family in love. Please escort Neil to his rightfully peaceful and pain free place among you. Give him a comfortable seat to rest on, from which he can clearly see his beautiful wife and sons as they continue on this earthly journey without him physically present. Keep the channel open so that they can feel his love beaming down onto them. Open their hearts to love pouring their way from various places on this earth as their families by choice and by blood hold them close. Let them draw strength and comfort from us all.

Be kind, be loving, just be.

P.S: Fuck cancer.

May 17th – One Day at a Time

Dear me,

Cliche title eh? But that’s really how it needs to be right now. I mentioned it on the group call yesterday that since the routine I had established for the last few months has been blown out of the water, I have to find more creative ways to remain in connection with myself. Since my mom is doing very well at the rehab center, I am spending entire days again either at work or, like yesterday, at home. Then on the days I do go to visit, I leave just as they settle in for dinner. So, little chunks of my life are back, but even when I am home I am often deeply focused on their situation, mostly by trying to find other ways to pay for the treatment. Yesterday I spent 2 solid hours filling out a Medical online application. 

So I cannot listen to nice long uplifting podcasts or run regularly, or even just sit in my yard and watch the hummingbirds. 20 minute daily meditations are impossible too.

There is very little in the way of planning. Sure, we know there is a doctor appointment on Teusday so I know that I can go to work Monday. After that everything is up in the air as it depends heavily on what the doctor says.

So my modified self care routine is to wake up trying to remember to say “May I be more loving today than ever” and also finding times to repeat the “I am happy, I am healthy, I am abundant, I am free” mantra. I try to remember to bless people with abundance in my mind as I drive and just walk past people. I write here 6/7 nights per week and I do a 10 minute meditation right before turning out the lights.

In between, I just keep letting the day flow around me, observing, sometimes directing, but always trying to find moments of intimate connection and love. 

All my angst over doing away with judgment seems so distant now! I seriously don’t have TIME to let those kinds of thoughts run through my head! So there’s an effective way to break a bad habit – up end life so that you pretty much haven’t got the energy to do that negative thing anymore :)

Thank you for always listening.

Be kind, be loving, just be. 

May 15th – Not Quite Yet

Dear me,

First of all, thank you for making this day be a lot easier than anticipated in moments of anxiety yesterday. We are lucky that my dad simply has early onset demetia and not any other issues that might change his personality in any way. He was entirely cooperative with the doctor. We did get a referral to a nuerologist, but we also confirmed that a formal diagnoses would immediately result in his driving priviledges being revoked. Since we do need him to be able to drive (and we know he can for very basic trip), we will drag that process out until my mom can drive again, or until we feel it has become a real problem.

Abundance comes in many forms and from many sources. It is good to have this VA designation in our back pocket for the future. We will just explore all others first. 

I am grateful that there do seem to be others. 

I am grateful for the ability to reach out to communities online to gather more ideas and options.

May blessings of love and abundance flow to those who are wishing the same to us, and reaching out to help where they can. 

Be kind, be loving, just be.

May 14th – May we be blessed with love

Dear me,

This is as close as I get to prayer, but I do need to make sure I get some universal energy support over the next 24 hours please.

I need my Inner Wisdom tapped in securely to whatever it is that does exist and then I need to keep myself open to everything being delivered to me.

And I need it all to be wrapped in love.

I need the universe to pass along whatever love and compassion there is to my parents – to my dad specifically this time to help him to accept whatever comes and to know in his heart that it is all being brought to him with love too.

I am grateful for the love and support already sent through Marcus, Alex and the wonderful goddesses in GGID. 

May we all be blessed with compassion, kindness, patience and love.

Be kind, be loving, just be.

May 13th – Accepting Compliments

Dear me,

Why is it so forgeign to accept a genuine compliment? I had to fight off the urge today to downplay my reaction to receiving a really wonderful compliment. I mean, for me, and all the insecurities I’ve carried around as far as assuming the things folks DON’T like about me, this one was pretty top notch.

I was having a pretty run of the mill conversation with someone on the phone who I normally only talk to via email. I think I’ve only met him once and I would not even recognize him if I passed him in the hallway, BUT, my main function in relation to his department is to provide data as needed several times a year for PITA surveys. The nature of our industry and anytime something is needed around financial data, it falls in my lap. I’m a deadline and task driven kind of gal and I pride myself in responding to requests quickly to either confirm that I can help someone out, or to at least point folks in the right direction if I cannot.

In this case, I was calling to tell him that I couldn’t do something and why and I was brainstorming with him on how to tell another department why we couldn’t help and maybe where to go instead. It was a lighthearted conversation overall and we commiserated a bit about this other group giving us almost no notice on this particular task. At the end though, and kind of out of the blue, he says to me “Thank you SO MUCH for figuring this out so fast and letting me know what is up. You are THE BEST at the University at helping out and responding to me. I know I can always count on you for help.”

Well…….that sure felt nice to hear…and, I managed to eke out a very sincere “Well, you are most welcome and thank you for saying that.” in response.

And quite honestly, I do accept and own that. As I said, it is something I strive for, so to hear that I meet that mark at least with this one department sure was nice. 

As I work on being kind and loving towards me, I also need to remember to keep the lines open to receive kindenss and appreciation and love from others without hesitation. 

Because I am worth it :)  (Yes, like the old Breck Girls!!)

May we be blessed with abundance and love.

Be kind, be loving, just be.